Your dad touched me again.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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