Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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