I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
