he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
