remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If that was your dad, he is hot
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
