so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
