Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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