was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
