dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
