I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
