Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
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he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
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I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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