How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
