I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
