ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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