The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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