NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
