I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
