so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
