Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
