genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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