so that wasnt chicken after all
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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