my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
