woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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