I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
