He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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