have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
