proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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