How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
