Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize