If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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