Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
