Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
