i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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