I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
