I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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