Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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