I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
