I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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