She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
