Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
