Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Boobs speak an international language.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
