You're my little dorito
Tell her she can't have a vagina
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Randomize
