I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize