windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
