Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
