my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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