I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
