im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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