Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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