So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
