So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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