I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
