he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
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Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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