I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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