oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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