if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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