Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
