Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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