ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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