it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
