It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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