My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
