Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
