We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
