Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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