"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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