we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
