So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
this just has baby written all over it
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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